My wife Joanna is a huge fan of animals in general but particularly wildlife. I’m serious, she even makes a little excited noise whenever she spots a deer in the woods. But yesterday’s encounter was a little too face to face.

Where to start… How about the point of entry.

Our front door is a two-door type with a glass outer door and a solid inner door. On cold days we leave the inner door open since it is a south facing house and the door is painted a nice dark color so it’s very effective solar heating.

At around 10:30am a random deer charged through the glass of the outer door, knocking it right out of its frame, took a left turn after the living room, and upon seeing Joanna’s shocked face in the hall took a quick turn into our bedroom.

It should be noted that poor Jules the cat was napping peacefully on our bed like he often does at that time of day and suddenly this huge deer charged him and headed for the window behind him, trying to get out. Jules is still in shock, wandering the house crouched down, sleeping in cupboards, never leaving a room without creeping up on the door and jumping at every little noise.

The wretched deer spent its last living hour in our bedroom breaking the window, cutting itself severely and leaving blood streaks and drips all over our bedding, walls, floor and curtains. Not a fun way to go, but poor Joanna probably suffered nearly as much just observing and unsuccessfully trying to get the thing guided back out the front door.

After four, yes four, police officers were summoned, they had her sit outside in the car while they took care of it. I commend them for their sensitivity and discretion.

When I returned home, Joanna came out right away to tell me what had happened before I noticed the damage to the house and the blood soaked bedding which animal control and the police had put next to our front step. She was understandibly upset, and I spent the rest of the day taking bucket after bucket of blood out of the bedroom to put it behind us as soon as possible.

The looks I got from drivers-by as I hauled bloody pillows and blankets out to the trash were precious. I also anticipate a visit from the police when the garbage men come on Monday to collect it all. “Sir, all this blood soaked bedding, who did you kill?”

I took some video of this which would surely be inspirational to the likes of Tarentino, but I will spare you seeing as I spared my kindhearted wife from seeing in the room.

I guess the lessons here include:

o Cold water removes bloodstains best, and never dry until the stain is completely gone.
o Bleach and water work fine for mopping up big blood slicks on wood floors (a tip for all you jolly murderers out there) as well as for getting blood off of walls
o Never wait and let the blood dry, you’ll never get it off once that happens
o Putting stripes or metal grilles on your glass doors is probably a good idea.
o You never know what each new day will bring, so be ready for anything. Even rampaging does in mating season.
o After allowing hunting in our public parks in Ames to supposedly curb this sort of thing, these things still happen. I’m sure it will take an accidental shooting of a hiker by one of these park-hunters or a hunting party with Dick Cheny to reverse this stupid policy though.